Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
