so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
