what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
