so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is the high leading the old right now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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