I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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