And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
