Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
