my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
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that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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