if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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