Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
