i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
