God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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