Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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