You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
