Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We have started to decorate penises.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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