doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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