The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
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It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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