She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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