My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my poor anus
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
