all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
