so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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