just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize