Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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