youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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