I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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