Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
