Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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