I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
