WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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