Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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