matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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