Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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