i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
