Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
