I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
