It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
