If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
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Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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