New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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