Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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