yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
