Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't notice because vodka
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
