Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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