I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
