Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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