I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
