Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
