you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
