I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
