So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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