He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
