its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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