You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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