We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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