Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
