Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
