I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
