you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
