I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
