Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
