Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
