It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
