I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
