My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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