you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
