Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
