Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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