dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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