I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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