just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
