I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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